♔Parallel Worlds Cherrie.T♔

Saturday, May 24, 2014 ♔ 9:41 PM

Anatomy of life

It's been sometime hasn't it?
have been slacking on blogging but i surely can't cope with school if i am consistent with everything that has been going on in my life. I do feel the stress of social media. Don't you?
Life has been treating me okay, definitely been throwing me some lemons at my face.
Have been trying to figure some things out.
1. GUYS
2. SCHOOLWORK
3. FUTURE
4.GOD

Yes guys will always be a topic. Recently started watching Awkward online and after 2 days and 2 season i concur that while your boy status is unstable, don't make the rash decision to dive into dramarathons. It kinda just drives you way more nuts than usual especially if it's rom com. Like who needs more romantic draw when you can't get enough of it in your own life. After two seasons and the many ups and downs i had with my moods (i am an emotional investor) i am thinking way too much and possibly fanatsizing way too much about caucasian guys. i mean, the chances of getting one in an asian country is low as crap and common, even if i do get one, it'd probably be too good to be true. To be clear, i am not desperate for a relationship, i probably am in love with the idea of one. Whenever i really do get to a point of committing to one i get so scared i run away. What the hell right? I know. Maybe, i'm not really over my ex? i duno. maybe i am? DEFENITELY AM. Anyway even with him out of the picture the two other guys that i really was prepared to commit to, either bailed on me after two months of waiting and the other, was all apparently part of my own fantasy.
I pretty much have given up on relationships. I shall be old and have 9 cats in my house, or my parent's house to accompany me till i die.

Schoolwork, is crazy these days since i have gone up to year 3 studying for my diploma. I cannot wait to graduate. I am officially sick of friends flaking on me and two faced friends. OFFICIALLY SICK OF IT. I just want to slog through the remaining semester and my internship and finally face my FINAL YEAR PROJECT head on. i am not ready to face it but hey i have to face it otherwise i won't be able to get out. Procrastination is a bitch. been procrastinating my ass away. i have a ton of work to do but I'm so reluctant to get started on it. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. i honestly love what I'm doing but i have no idea why I'm procrastinating. I read once somewhere that procrastination is the avoidance of doing something you don't want to do. but the things is i do love what I'm doing i don't mind doing it but i think I'm lazy to get started on work? i do not what I'm doing with my life and what the hell goes on in my mind really.

Future is a bother to think about. thinking of my future brings on worry after worry after worry. Financial needs, universities, oversea studying (LONDON), work, gap year? Is the fashion industry right for me? i do not know. i really don't. I'm so tired of worrying that I'm actually prepared to wing it. i really wana take a gap year to figure out what i wana do with my life, crossing my fingers and praying to God that my parents would allow me to.

Yes. God. i duno lately i haven't been really making the effort to talk to Him or go to church or even reading His word. we are definitely drifting apart. sometimes i debate with myself wheher or not His commandments and words are restrictive and suffocating or a joy to obey and liberating when i do obey. there are times when i feel at so much peace and joy when obeying but at times i do feel suffocated and restricted. i don't know what to feel anymore. i wana take a break from everything but I'm afraid that if i do i would stray so far away from God that i wouldn't be able to return. because i know He is real, He is there, He is trustworthy, He is true. He is God Almighty. Thats it, i should be listening to Him. i just can't deal with church sometimes suffocating but good for me, you what i mean? its like they teach you to do things that are good, but the idiot in you that wants to rebel and take control of things herself feels suffocated and more often than not when the rebel takes control you plunge yourself in to a deep dark hole of sin. Yet after knowing the consequence of listening to the rebel, when the time comes the rebel always struggles to break free, and out of the controlled cage she is in. What is going on in my head and heart i really don't know sometimes.

Someone please save me from this hurricane going on in my mind. its so messy up here that i have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I'm just living everyday day by day hoping to God that one day i would wake up fresh (that happens like almost never nowadays cos of school and late nights) and clear of my surroundings, relationships, of what i think and finally not procrastinate.
Like in Awkward, i wana say,

In need of rescuing. All heroes please apply.

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