♔Parallel Worlds Cherrie.T♔

Wednesday, June 6, 2012 ♔ 7:35 PM

Parents. They know best.

Yes. Parents. They know best.

Some of you may know me as the girl who cried in apel class in front of the entire ADM freshmen batch (YES. super embarrassing thank you very much. but i had to share it. cos its what i believe in and wana let you guys know.) while sharing a story abt me screaming at my mom n watch her break down in front of me. yes i know. its very wrong and i've obviously changed. i was acting irrationally at tat moment due to my anger at her, and im not proud of what i did. i shared the story not because i want you guys to pity me or not cos its wat we had to do for apel but i shared it because i believe many of us have been misunderstanding our parents intentions and acting disrespectfully at them especially at this age, which, is VERY WRONG. they love us. and you know deep down we love them too but their nagging just gets too unbearable at times and we just lash back at them without any second thoughts about our actions. although they might not show it but it is actually very very hurtful to them especially when they are trying to get you to listen for our own good. given a choice i'd rather parents who'd nag at me every single day than parents who dont communicate with us at all. them nagging shows that they care, who doesnt want parents that love them and care for them? we just gotta endure their nagging cos apparently its good for us. believe me i dont like it as much as the rest of you do, but i try to see it as their kind and caring intentions for us to turn out to be a.. well.. well raised adult? i've got another example of their love for us, and i would touch abit on how i prefer my family to be like.

Recently my family had a few problems, some of you whom i've talked to know about this. But for the benefit of those who don't know.... my dad suggested that we create a bank account for my savings but hid it from my mom because we were afraid of her spending habits. so.. my mom found out about the bank acc eventually and she questioned me about it. i didnt want to drag my father in as it would cause them to quarrel again so i stupidly lied and told her that i was afraid that she would scold me if i asked to create a new acc, so i went to my dad instead and did not tell her about it. i thought that she would be furious, but it turns out she was really really hurt that i didn't trust her enough to share about the bank account with her. she teared in front of me. she said that she felt that i don't treat her as a part of the family and she told me that she wouldnt trust me any longer because i kept this entire thing from her. (fyi, my parents always fight cos of financial stuff and they almost got a divorce and i didn't want that to happen so i lied to protect my father.. in a way.. and my dad works overseas so yeah he wasn't around at that time.) so that night i was left in my room feeling really awful about hurting my mom and making her cry again. i kept thinking about what i could do to make everything better. there were two ways i could do it. one, to lie and cover everything up. OR two, to tell the truth about everything. i was in a huge dilemma cos my parents kept stuff from each other that i know about sometimes and i was afraid that if i told the truth not only would i endanger their marriage cos of their trust issues and quarrels again or i might accidentally reveal smth that they were hiding from each other which would also result in them fighting again. but if i lied, the web of lies that were already created would get larger and larger and it might end up worse if the web was eventually torn down; also, it was against the God's word to lie.
i talked to leaders from church my close friends and even my relatives.. obviously the ppl from church told me to tell the truth, close friends told me the same. but guess what. my relatives. they told told me to make up excuses to cover up the truth. i was actually pissed at their suggestion. i mean. comeon. i love my mom. i hurt her cos i lied to her. and now that im stuck between my parents problems all they do is ask me to lie; they didnt even ask how i was stuck in the middle! havent i hurt my mom enough???
so in the end i decided to tell the truth but leave my dad out of it. but while i do that, i am actually putting the blame on myself, cos it'll turn out to be me suggesting the creation of the account which might break the family apart. and of course my mom chided me on that. eventually i couldnt bear to take her scolding anymore (i mean, hello? it wasnt smth small. i was taking the blame for the possibility of breaking the family apart) and i broke down and told her the truth about everything including about my relatives and why i lied to her in the first place plus my worry of the family breaking apart. so it ended up with her comforting me and a good talk (plus quarrel) with my dad but it ended well between them plus a quarrel with my relatives who told me to lie. she told my dad too that he shouldnt put me in a spot again and that they should be open with each other from then on. soyeah it ended well. Me n mom also agreed on sharing stuff openly with each other and that she would listen to me with an open mind. she kept making sure that i was okay because i was between her n my dad and she let me know how sorry she was for putting me in a spot and told me not to worry about her n dad's relationship. she told me that she loved me thats why she felt hurt that i didnt share smth as impt as opening a bank acc with her. and my dad too called me to make sure i was okay and said he was sorry for making me be between him n mom.

so u see? our parents loves us. they just have a parent-y way of showing it. and no matter what they do they think of us deep down. my mom texted me to stop crying and knew i was still crying. like i said. she knows me best. i think ur parents know you best too. give them a chance. try to look at their constant naggings and scoldings in a different way... life would be much warmer happier and better for u and ur family.
also i think families shouldnt keep stuff from each other. look how it turned out for mine. im not proud of what happened or what we did nor m i someone who shares about her family problems that easily but, i just wana share with ppl my experience and sorta warn them abt what might happen so that they can avoid coming to this type of situation. secrets shouldnt be kept within the family it should be shared and if u want ur family member to change his or her bad habits tell her. tell her nicely. persuade her to change or just... tell her nicely. a warm and loving family doesnt only include ur parents effort but urs too. if u dont start sharing or making them understand what is going on in ur life they probably would misunderstand many things and scold u abt it which in turn makes u frustrated and angsty which might lead to quarrels in the family. now that wouldnt be a warm n loving family now would it? oh and i learnt that secrets or lies can never be kept hidden forever esp in a family.

essentially, what im trying to relay to u guys in this lengthy post, is that we should cherish our family and their love for us and that we shouldnt get too frustrated with our parents and their parent-y way of showing their love for us. look at it at a different perception :) and talk it out if needed. not shout. not scream. not being defiant. but talk. nicely. persuading-ly. and things might turn out in a better way than you'd expect it to.

Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, t does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Thank God my family is fine now~

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