It's been sometime hasn't it?
have been slacking on blogging but i surely can't cope with school if i am consistent with everything that has been going on in my life. I do feel the stress of social media. Don't you?
Life has been treating me okay, definitely been throwing me some lemons at my face. 
Have been trying to figure some things out. 
1. GUYS
2. SCHOOLWORK
3. FUTURE
4.GOD

Yes guys will always be a topic. Recently started watching Awkward online and after 2 days and 2 season i concur that while your boy status is unstable, don't make the rash decision to dive into dramarathons. It kinda just drives you way more nuts than usual especially if it's rom com. Like who needs more romantic draw when you can't get enough of it in your own life. After two seasons and the many ups and downs i had with my moods (i am an emotional investor) i am thinking way too much and possibly fanatsizing way too much about caucasian guys. i mean, the chances of getting one in an asian country is low as crap and common, even if i do get one, it'd probably be too good to be true. To be clear, i am not desperate for a relationship, i probably am in love with the idea of one. Whenever i really do get to a point of committing to one i get so scared i run away. What the hell right?  I know. Maybe, i'm not really over my ex? i duno. maybe i am? DEFENITELY AM. Anyway even with him out of the picture the two other guys that i really was prepared to commit to, either bailed on me after two months of waiting and the other, was all apparently part of my own fantasy.
I pretty much have given up on relationships. I shall be old and have 9 cats in my house, or my parent's house to accompany me till i die.

Schoolwork, is crazy these days since i have gone up to year 3 studying for my diploma. I cannot wait to graduate. I am officially sick of friends flaking on me and two faced friends. OFFICIALLY SICK OF IT. I just want to slog through the remaining semester and my internship and finally face my FINAL YEAR PROJECT head on. i am not ready to face it but hey i have to face it otherwise i won't be able to get out. Procrastination is a bitch. been procrastinating my ass away. i have a ton of work to do but I'm so reluctant to get started on it. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. i honestly love what I'm doing but i have no idea why I'm procrastinating. I read once somewhere that procrastination is the avoidance of doing something you don't want to do. but the things is i do love what I'm doing i don't mind doing it but i think I'm lazy to get started on work? i do not what I'm doing with my life and what the hell goes on in my mind really.

Future is a bother to think about. thinking of my future brings on worry after worry after worry. Financial needs, universities, oversea studying (LONDON), work, gap year? Is the fashion industry right for me? i do not know. i really don't. I'm so tired of worrying that I'm actually prepared to wing it. i really wana take a gap year to figure out what i wana do with my life, crossing my fingers and praying to God that my parents would allow me to.

Yes. God. i duno lately i haven't been really making the effort to talk to Him or go to church or even reading His word. we are definitely drifting apart. sometimes i debate with myself wheher or not His commandments and words are restrictive and suffocating or a joy to obey and liberating when i do obey. there are times when i feel at so much peace and joy when obeying but at times i do feel suffocated and restricted. i don't know what to feel anymore. i wana take a break from everything but I'm afraid that if i do i would stray so far away from God that i wouldn't be able to return. because i know He is real, He is there, He is trustworthy, He is true. He is God Almighty. Thats it, i should be listening to Him. i just can't deal with church sometimes suffocating but good for me, you what i mean? its like they teach you to do things that are good, but the idiot in you that wants to rebel and take control of things herself feels suffocated and more often than not when the rebel takes control you plunge yourself in to a deep dark hole of sin. Yet after knowing the consequence of listening to the rebel, when the time comes the rebel always struggles to break free,  and out of the controlled cage she is in. What is going on in my head and heart i really don't know sometimes. 


Someone please save me from this hurricane going on in my mind. its so messy up here that i have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I'm just living everyday day by day hoping to God that one day i would wake up fresh (that happens like almost never nowadays cos of school and late nights) and clear of my surroundings, relationships, of what i think and finally not procrastinate.
Like in Awkward, i wana say, 

In need of rescuing. All heroes please apply.

I'll prolly start up a fashion blog would be cool no?^^ but I have to say i might have a few "imo posts" now and then, and as much as I'd love to express my own views I would love isf there aint no hating bout my own view cos well as I said they are my own opinions and I only expressed them not like I killed my parents or yours and feel no remorse so jeesh all u haters calm yo tits k!:) will check in wit ya'll as soon as I am done w submission week!

What is perfection?
What is being perfect?
What makes you think that the things we now consider perfect or great are not actually the opposite?
Here's an example, if it is considered the norm to eat cockroaches or the norm to smell bad, would people still find it weird or disgusting? Answer is, NO.
Everything is defined by the human mind and by the majority of the society. Most minds judge on what's right and wrong based on the Norms of the society. So if you think about it, perfection can be anything, people made the definition up based on the majority of the society. And look, if everyone is different in their own way, if everyone has their own thoughts and standards, then perfection to them would be defined by their own standards. (THAT is on individual terms)
Everyone is so caught up in trying to find the "perfect" something. Perfect work, perfect lover, perfect life, perfect results. Everyone is so obsessed in finding the perfect something they even get depressed and beat themselves up over it. Have you ever thought that maybe your definition of perfect isn't what the society considers as perfect? There isn't an actual "perfect" in this world. Nothing and no one is perfect. But they can be if you match them up to your own standards. The society's standard of perfection is high but how bout yours? Why conform to the society to only suffer from it? The only true "perfection" in this world is where one particular thing is accepted, liked or admired by the majority of the society.
It's hard to get there, yes. But not impossible.
But I would say, have your own definition of perfection have your own style of work, do your best in everything and don't beat yourself up over not reaching "perfection".
Everyone is different and everyone's work is different, everyone's view of perfection is different as well as their standards.

Perfection is distorted and has no true limitations or standards.

Good times and bad, hard times and the easy, pain and pleasure. No matter what they all don't last forever. In every relationship there are ups and downs, ur choices either spice it up or push it to down low all the way till u finally end the relationship. As it is with friends, some come some go some stay for a longer period but no one lasts forever. Make a lot of friends and ignore the haters cos they r either jealous or have nothing to do with their lives. My advice? I have none. I can't even cope with my own problem concerning my friends. All i can say is go with the flow and rmb God is there for you every step of the way. Only God stays with u forever push ur expectations on God instead of ppl around you and u'll have a better life:) I'm trying. So should you.

i realise now that the popular videos, songs, drama serials, skits, music video, stories etc. all have one thing in common. they are relatable. from the most heartfelt to the most hated. PAIN is smth everyone is able to relate to. the pain of losing someone. the pain of listening to the constant nagging from mom everyday. the pain of answering stupid questions. (jinnyboytv ABUDEN vid) the pain of calling someone back but ur unable to get through cos the person is calling u back at the same time. or even the pain of not knowing whether to walk right or left so that the person in front of you can pas by but then he or she moves to the same side as you. pain is an emotion that is in everyone's lives with no exceptions. thats kinda why its so relatable.


then i realised, personally.. there's a cycle going on in my life. the relationship --> the pain --> watching and wishing it was like in the videos --> the pain of a what if --> even more videos which goes back to contributing to the pain again, then it just goes round and round and round again.
stupid u might think to keep watching those vids if they cause u pain. but if they sort of provide a happy ending that might not be real but makes u believe it might actually happen wouldnt u continue watching it to further comfort urself? it sorta gives  people a positive light to things that annoy them or hurt them. sounds contradicting what with the pain but yet the comfort but i guess its true. if the videos never provide a side of the pain we dont see we wont watch them would we? if they dont provide a different ending why would we watch it once, BUT continue to watch it again and again or till the finale?


my concern is, what should we believe in that might happen in real life for us to make the right decisions without these melodramatic or exaggerated scenes affecting our decisions? i mean comeon. how many of you girls or guys out there would think, maybe it might end like in Away We Happened (WongFu Productions)? maybe it might end like Unfold (JinnyBoyTv)? or like some romance book with a happy ending? then we make irrational decisions that we regret or feel stupid about later? sureeeee it might happen, the happy endings i mean. but what? it is like a one in a million chance of it happening to you. i mean u might get lucky but i dont think ppl are THAAAT melodramatic in real life nor do i think that a real life situation would play out so "nicely" (melodramatically).
putting that aside. ppl learn from these stories and videos and try to make the happy endings come true. or even try to avoid stuff like asking stupid questions to save ppl the pain of answering stupid questions. (ABUDEN JinnyBoyTv)


i think i can never find the right answers to my question cos i guess its different for everyone as to how they wana perceive or react to "happy endings" but i guess its worth a shot? otherwise they could just happen in your fantasies and dreams and if you are happy like that why not? ;)


-Cheryl <3


P.s most of the time i dont know what my main point is. i just wonder about stuff and i type it down. so if you think im rubbish jut ignore me :) thanks!!!

Yes. Parents. They know best. 


Some of you may know me as the girl who cried in apel class in front of the entire ADM freshmen batch (YES. super embarrassing thank you very much. but i had to share it. cos its what i believe in and wana let you guys know.) while sharing a story abt me screaming at my mom n watch her break down in front of me. yes i know. its very wrong and i've obviously changed. i was acting irrationally at tat moment due to my anger at her, and im not proud of what i did. i shared the story not because i want you guys to pity me or not cos its wat we had to do for apel but i shared it because i believe many of us have been misunderstanding our parents intentions and acting disrespectfully at them especially at this age, which, is VERY WRONG. they love us. and you know deep down we love them too but their nagging just gets too unbearable at times and we just lash back at them without any second thoughts about our actions. although they might not show it but it is actually very very hurtful to them especially when they are trying to get you to listen for our own good. given a choice i'd rather parents who'd nag at me every single day than parents who dont communicate with us at all. them nagging shows that they care, who doesnt want parents that love them and care for them? we just gotta endure their nagging cos apparently its good for us. believe me i dont like it as much as the rest of you do, but i try to see it as their kind and caring intentions for us to turn out to be a.. well.. well raised adult? i've got another example of their love for us, and i would touch abit on how i prefer my family to be like.


Recently my family had a few problems, some of you whom i've talked to know about this. But for the benefit of those who don't know.... my dad suggested that we create a bank account for my savings but hid it from my mom because we were afraid of her spending habits. so.. my mom found out about the bank acc eventually and she questioned me about it. i didnt want to drag my father in as it would cause them to quarrel again so i stupidly lied and told her that i was afraid that she would scold me if i asked to create a new acc, so i went to my dad instead and did not tell her about it. i thought that she would be furious, but it turns out she was really really hurt that i didn't trust her enough to share about the bank account with her. she teared in front of me.  she said that she felt that i don't treat her as a part of the family and she told me that she wouldnt trust me any longer because i kept this entire thing from her. (fyi, my parents always fight cos of financial stuff and they almost got a divorce and i didn't want that to happen so i lied to protect my father.. in a way.. and my dad works overseas so yeah he wasn't around at that time.) so that night i was left in my room feeling really awful about hurting my mom and making her cry again. i kept thinking about what i could do to make everything better. there were two ways i could do it. one, to lie and cover everything up. OR two, to tell the truth about everything. i was in a huge dilemma cos my parents kept stuff from each other that i know about sometimes and i was afraid that if i told the truth not only would i endanger their marriage cos of their trust issues and quarrels again or i might accidentally reveal smth that they were hiding from each other which would also result in them fighting again. but if i lied, the web of lies that were already created would get larger and larger and it might end up worse if the web was eventually torn down; also, it was against the God's word to lie. 
i talked to leaders from church my close friends and even my relatives.. obviously the ppl from church told me to tell the truth, close friends told me the same. but guess what. my relatives. they told told me to make up excuses to cover up the truth. i was actually pissed at their suggestion. i mean. comeon. i love my mom. i hurt her cos i lied to her. and now that im stuck between my parents problems all they do is ask me to lie; they didnt even ask how i was stuck in the middle! havent i hurt my mom enough???
so in the end i decided to tell the truth but leave my dad out of it. but while i do that, i am actually putting the blame on myself, cos it'll turn out to be me suggesting the creation of the account which might break the family apart. and of course my mom chided me on that. eventually i couldnt bear to take her scolding anymore (i mean, hello? it wasnt smth small. i was taking the blame for the possibility of breaking the family apart) and i broke down and told her the truth about everything including about my relatives and why i lied to her in the first place plus my worry of the family breaking apart. so it ended up with her comforting me and a good talk (plus quarrel) with my dad but it ended well between them plus a quarrel with my relatives who told me to lie. she told my dad too that he shouldnt put me in a spot again and that they should be open with each other from then on. soyeah it ended well. Me n mom also agreed on sharing stuff openly with each other and that she would listen to me with an open mind. she kept making sure that i was okay because i was between her n my dad and she let me know how sorry she was for putting me in a spot and told me not to worry about her n dad's relationship. she told me that she loved me thats why she felt hurt that i didnt share smth as impt as opening a bank acc with her. and my dad too called me to make sure i was okay and said he was sorry for making me be between him n mom.


so u see? our parents loves us. they just have a parent-y way of showing it. and no matter what they do they think of us deep down. my mom texted me to stop crying and knew i was still crying. like i said. she knows me best. i think ur parents know you best too. give them a chance. try to look at their constant naggings and scoldings in a different way... life would be much warmer happier and better for u and ur family.
also i think families shouldnt keep stuff from each other. look how it turned out for mine. im not proud of what happened or what we did nor m i someone who shares about her family problems that easily but, i just wana share with ppl my experience and sorta warn them abt what might happen so that they can avoid coming to this type of situation. secrets shouldnt be kept within the family it should be shared and if u want ur family member to change his or her bad habits tell her. tell her nicely. persuade her to change or just... tell her nicely. a warm and loving family doesnt only include ur parents effort but urs too. if u dont start sharing or making them understand what is going on in ur life they probably would misunderstand many things and scold u abt it which in turn makes u frustrated and angsty which might lead to quarrels in the family. now that wouldnt be a warm n loving family now would it?  oh and i learnt that secrets or lies can never be kept hidden forever esp in a family.


essentially, what im trying to relay to u guys in this lengthy post, is that we should cherish our family and their love for us and that we shouldnt get too frustrated with our parents and their parent-y way of showing their love for us. look at it at a different perception :) and talk it out if needed. not shout. not scream. not being defiant. but talk. nicely. persuading-ly. and things might turn out in a better way than you'd expect it to.


Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, t does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Thank God my family is fine now~